Kon and Ichigo's Drunken Adventure
by Red S. Turtle
Summary: Kon and Ichigo revel in drunk drunkeness while drinking.  Y'know, 'cause drinking's fun.  Not a oneshot after all.
1. Chapter 1

**DISCLAIMER**: If I owned _Bleach_ I'd be able to hire a professional to sperm-jack Gackt.

_I came up with this the day after drinking, not while drinking, or while under the effects of drinking. If I had come up with it while drunk or getting there, I wouldn't have written it. I'm a good girl who follows the rules. Kinda._

KON AND ICHIGO'S DRUNKEN ADVENTURE

TIME: 12:34

STATUS: Sober

Ichigo Kurosaki returns from Soul Society, regains control of his body, and is greeted by the Kurosaki family. After getting rid of said family, swallows pill containing mod soul, hereafter referred to as "Kon". Shows Kon bottle of sake given to him by Renji Abarai. Drinking commences.

--

TIME: 13:07

STATUS: Sober

The sake bottle is emptied. Ichigo takes advantage of his Soul Reaper-ness to rob a local convenience store. Leaves undetected with several bottles of a type of malt liquor known to some as "soda beer". Drinking resumes.

--

TIME: 16:52

STATUS: Buzzed.

Ichigo and Kon finish soda beers. Ichigo returns to convenience store; steals more liquor-type beverages. Returns to Kurosaki Clinic with several more bottles soda beer, vodka, gin; various flavors Pocari. Drinking resumes.

--

TIME: 19:00

Status: Drunk

Yuzu Kurosaki comes to tell Ichigo that it is time for dinner. Mistakes Kon for Ichigo. Realizes Kon has been drinking. Kon sticks Yuzu in closet; barricades door.

--

TIME: 20:37

STATUS: Drunk

Kon sits slumped at desk. Ichigo lies on bed.

Kon: Is Yuzu still in the closet?

Ichigo: No, but Ishida is.

Kon: Buh-zing.

--

TIME: 22:42

STATUS: Very Drunk.

Ichigo sits at desk. Kon sits on bed.

Kon: _Waaaah!_ Rukia! Come home!

Ichigo: _Waaaah!_ Rukia! Bring Yuzu's clothes back!

--

TIME: 00:43

STATUS: Very, very drunk.

Kon and Ichigo lie on floor.

Kon: Is Yuzu still in the closet?

Ichigo: Who's Yuzu?

--

TIME: 02:32

STATUS: Passed out.

--

_There may or may not be a follow-up chapter of this. I haven't decided yet._

--

_Reviewers get booze. Unless they're underage- then they get sodey pop._


	2. Chapter 2

DISCLAIMER: If I owned _Bleach_, I'd be able to hire a professional to sperm-jack Gackt.

_Are there professional sperm-jackers? 'Cause that'd be weird._

_From __**The Tokyo Daily Times**_, _August 21, 2005_(1)

**HAUNTED CONVENIENCE STORE?**

The booze was literally flying of the shelves yesterday, according to eye-witness testimony from various customers and the clerk of a 7-11 in the Karakura district.

"I mean, seriously dude!" the clerk told this reporter when she interviewed him. "I went to go stock up the peanuts, and I, like, totally saw a bottle of that Smirnoff stuff kids like float away from the shelf and disappear!"

This reporter wasn't about to believe the testimony of one toasted store clerk, so she used some imaginative techniques to convince officers to give her the names of a few more credible witnesses.

"Yes, I saw it," Miss Haruko Haruhara told this reporter. "A few bottles of booze flew off the shelf and disappeared, just like that pothead clerk said they did." When asked if she had any ideas as to what could have caused such a phenomenon, Miss Haruhara said: "It was probably aliens, or a poltergeist. Either that or some kid managed to invent a glass-magnet." Miss Haruhara went on to explain that a glass magnet is a magnet that attracts glass, not a magnet made of glass.

This reporter was unable to reach any other witnesses for comment.

--

_From __**The Karakura News, **__August 21, 2005._

**LOCAL HIGH SCHOOL BOY HOSPITALIZED**

Ichigo Kurosaki, a first year student at Karakura First High School, was hospitalized early this morning after being severely beaten by his father. Apparently, the younger Kurosaki got drunk the night before and locked his younger sister in his bedroom closet. Witnesses reported hearing Ichigo shouting "Throw that psychotic bastard in jail!" as he was loaded into the ambulance. No charges have filed.

None of the family members were available for comment.

* * *

1: Newspaper fabricated, date estimated.

* * *

_Reviewiers get booze. Unless they're underage- then they get sodey pop._


End file.
